CUPID, THAT DAMNED LITTLE FAIRY!

Ah, yes. January has blown on by and February is upon us. Soon it will be Valentine's Day. The day that has been trumped up by greeting card companies worldwide to be the culmination of all that is good and loving in each person's life. The reality is that Valentine's Day is dreaded by men worldwide who are clueless about what the hell to do for the woman in their life who are expecting grandiose gestures of affection and undying love in the form of cards, candy, dinners at fancy restaurants and baubles of diamonds to flash at their single friends. For those single friends, Valentine's day is the dreaded day of mourning for a love life that is missing in action and a brutal reminder of one's lonliness that can usually be overlooked easily on other days. Cupid and his arrows running amok shooting arrows everywhere and bringing more misery than love to most of us. I'm trying to figure out how this commercialized mess of a holiday came to be such a money machine when the reality of what it stands for should be the real focus. As with Christmas, merchandisers has blown the whole thing out of proportion and created chaos in the name of goodness.

My solution is that we take back this little insignificant holiday. What everyone wants is to know they are loved? The greeting card companies, restaurants and jewelers have conveyed a message that February 14th is the day to pull out all the stops to show that special someone just how much that love cost you. It's simply ridiculous. GUYS -- Women love jewelry or at least most of us do. Planning to prepose, don't do it on Valentine's Day. God, it is soooo cliche'. Wait till a random Tuesday night in August or something. She will be blown away. Totally won't suspect it. Valentine's Day any jewelry short of a ring is lost in the anticipation of that big question. We get a little box and it has dazzling diamond earrings in it normally, we would be flabbergasted, thrilled and think it was amazing and sweet. On Valentine's Day, we see a little box and get all excited and think "Here it comes" and we see earrings and think "Damn, he's never going to pop the question." So, just skip the jewelry. In fact, you could skip most of the stuff and still score hugely in the romance department. Ladies, this goes for you too. And, if you are single or have friends that are take time on Valentines day to take them out. Go dancing with a bunch of friends including single ones, send them a card that let's them know how great a friend they are, or send them a little token of affection to let them know you cherish their friendship. Believe me, they will really appreciate it because Valentine's day sucks for the single.

Here is my list of awesome and romantic things to do for Valentine's Day. Married, single, engaged or just dating, these gifts require a little work, a little time, a little creativity but really touch the heart and will score big.

1. Cook dinner. Make a wonderful romantic dinner at your place with flowers on the table, candlelight, soft music. It doesn't have to be anything complicated. Spaghetti and a salad with a great loaf of italian bread and a bottle of red wine with a store bought tira misu for dessert would work great. Or order food and pick it up. Put is on some plates and heat in the microwave. Use nice plates too, not paper. Don't have nice plates or wine glasses? Go to a dollar store. You only need two of each.

2. Make a collage. I actually did this for Joel last year. Look through magazines and cut out words that relate to your feelings or thoughts about your loved one. Cut them out and glue them to a poster board. I cut out words on white and red backgrounds only and then used the red words to form a heart in the center and put all the white words on the outside. So not only does it have all these words like, Sweet, heart, lover, sexy, cute, romance, darling, hot, etc. on it but when you step away it is a picture of a big red heart. Very cool and he really loved it.

3. Make a "How do I love you let me count the ways list". Sit down at a computer and type all the things you love about him/her. Use pretty fonts, colors, etc. Make the list as long or short as you like and then print it and put it inside a card or frame it or present it like a scroll with a ribbon tied around it.

4. Make a CD of songs that make me think of us. Go to www.walmart.com for 88 cent downloads and burn a CD of great songs. Print a picture of yourself or the two of you and crop it to fit in a jewel case. Viola.

5. Rent some romantic movies, pop popcorn and make some chocolate martinis, and snuggle on the couch. You could even print tickets for a romantic night at the movies and stick them in a card.

6. Go do something wild and fun. Take snowboarding lessons, go to a place with casinos and play for a while, go whalewatching, go to a ceramic studio and make his and her coffee mugs. Go for a walk in a beautiful and breathtaking place you know. Go to the ocean and walk the beach its desserted in February and beautiful if there is snow. Afterward, go find a little place and share a hot chocolate and warm up each others hands.

7. Go get massages together or take a couples yoga class.

8. Have a scavenger hunt. Write cryptic clues and leave them at different locations either in the house or outside leading to the bedroom, or a hot bubble filled tub or a gift hidden somewhere.

9. Fill a fish bowl with pink and red hearts each with little love poems written on each. You can find buckets of love poems or sayings at a local library. Just fold the hearts in half and drop them in. Tie with a pretty bow on the rim. Add some chocolate kisses for fun.

10. Give a fish. Silly I know but quaintly romantic. Name it something romatic like Romeo or Casanova. A little beta can live in a regular fish bowl and can adorn an office desk. They are relaxing, easy to care for, and will remind the person of you each time they look at it swimming about.

13. Make a gift basket. Just take a box and cut it so it is about 3-4" high and open topped. Wrap in a valentine type wrapping paper. Fill it with some tissue paper and trinkets. You can find loads of inexpensive items at different stores, dollar stores. You can do a junk food box for a football fan and put a little foam football in there too. You can do a massage box, filled with massage oil, body lotion, body shampoo, and a handheld massager along with a coupon that can be presented to you to give that massage to your loved one. A box filled with a couple romantic movie dvds, a box of microwave popcorn and some raisinets for the movie lover. A box of nailpolish and a manicure gift certificate for the pampered princess.

14. Nothing says I love you like.... use your imagination. Usually the answer is simple. A poem that you wrote yourself. A key to your apartment on a heart shaped key ring. A book that you loved and wanted to share. Meeting your parents. Meeting your friends. Going away for the weekend together. The opera, theater, museums, or concerts.

The key is find what your loved one loves besides you and you have the key. It takes very little to be a romantic fool and it shouldn't be something that happens one day a year. If you are in love or even think you might be on your way, showing the other person your heart is important. Do hearts break. Yeah, they do, but they heal too and become stronger and more caring and more durable. So, don't hold back love, give it freely, accept it gladly and believe that there is someone for each of us to love in our lifetimes. We can each find our soulmate with patience and by opening our hearts.

So forget the expensive stuff. Do something amazingly heart felt and loving. Teach that fairy and his freinds a lesson or two about love. That it can't be bought and sold. It doesn't have a carat weight, and that love does not have to be only for couples. Friends are loved by friends. So, show love to all your friends and family too. Let's change this dreaded holiday into a love fest like it was the sixties. Just love everybody that day. Imagine what a day like that could bring to the world.

I hate my Job

As a working mother, I have always considered myself successful. I began working at age sixteen and had my first full time job while still in highschool. I dropped out of college after a semester to enter the work world full time thinking that money held far more appeal than further education possibly could. Nineteen years ago I began working for my present employer as an Executive Secretary. I barely typed 40 wpm, but I was a fast learner, hard worker, and incredibly dedicated. Seven years ago I was promoted to Billing Manager. A huge feat since this company is a maritime company and has for over fifty years been a veritable boy's club when it came to management positions. I was the first female manager in the fifty year history. I should have been elated, but I was only promoted to prevent a law suit. They were planning on promoting a male employee with similar education, and less experience and someone apparently foresaw the discrimination case looming in their future and thought it best to promote both of us. So, this knowledge has always left me a bit deflated by their efforts to appreciate my talents and skills for what they really have contributed to the betterment of the company.

Well, recent developments created major stress related situations in our office due to utter stupidity in the upper hierarchy of the executive offices. Placement of employees in the department who created serious personnel problems, hiring of employees with salary discrepancies in relation to existing employees, giving employees with political connections promotions and huge raises while employees with more experience and more deserving were left in the dust. I weathered all these storms for the past year and eventually decided that it was time to request a raise. I have had my position for seven years. I have made major changes within the department in the past year and a half that have resulted in better use of time, more efficiency, more accuracy and faster revenue results. I have written and organized an accounting manual that outlines all of the departments various daily, monthly, and annual procedures. I created procedures for enhanced security within the company that have yet to be realized due to lack of cooperation from other departments including one who has worked their less time and makes more money. My frustration led me to putting this letter together to my boss and the CEO requesting a pay increase. I was very professional in my request. I delineated my contributions over the past year and reminded them of my years of service, dedication and vast working knowledge of the company due to my varied experiences while working there. I mentioned that I have been continuing my education in hopes of attaining my degree in Human Resource Management, an area that our company desperately needs filled. I politely requested a raise.

Well, over a month passed and neither my boss nor the CEO contacted me regarding my request. Not a call, a note, and e-mail. Nothing. Crickets chirping --- resounding silence. I questioned my boss about the rather rude lack of response, he answered sarcastically and offered to mention it again to the CEO. Okey dokey. Why don't you do that? Several months later, still nothing. So, I again ask, my boss if he has heard anything. Again, he says no. So, I politely said "Oh, okay fine." and hung up. I was seething. And so, the search has begun in earnest. It is time for me to leave. I'd love to stay and take that early retirement in six years or so and tell them where they can stick that raise, but I doubt I could survive another six years with this complacent attitude. It has physically made me ill this time. I'm done with being polite. I politely assured my boss also, that when I find a new job and give my resignation, that will not be the time to make me an offer. I will refuse. Additionally, I reminded him that in every job that I have held within the company, they have had to hire three people to do all the work I as one person had done previously. This meant they would pay three salaries rather than compensate me for the same amount. Three salaries also meant three people collecting health insurance. These people must truly be either idiots or insane. It's a fine line and I wouldn't want to hedge a bet. It could go either way.

Wish me luck, 19 years experience is great, but I could really use that damned degree right about now. Oh well, in my next life I'll listen better to my parents.

From tears to giggles in 3.9 seconds

It never ceases to amaze me that my daughter can at any given moment be screeching hysterically in anger, pain, or sadness with big old tears coursing down her cheeks, and can revert to giggling instantly. How is this possible? I mean here she stands, tears still caught on her lashes, salty moisture still clinging to her cheeks due to a tangle with a nasty tangle that big old meanie Daddy found while brushing her hair before bed with a big grin shining because I wanted to take her pouty face picture. All you need to do is tickle or taunt or tease or smooch and her hysterics will melt into laughter. Its the strangest thing. Although come to think of it, when I was about 13 my great Uncle Tom passed away (I have two great Uncle Tom's and one is still very alive.) This uncle Tom was married to my aunt Laura and I adored him so his death was devastating and came suddenly. At the viewing I had spent the first part in the bathroom puking, once that ceased I milled close to my aunt and my dad pretending to be okay for them. At one point, my two other cousins asked me to join them in the vestibule to get a drink of water. As we pressed the button on the cooler to fill our glasses, the water bubbles would rise in the glass bottle making a very loud burping noise. The sound was amplified simply by the deep recesses of quiet that engulfs a funeral home. The loud and sudden "GLURP" "GLURP" cracked me up. Here I was broken hearted, devastated with tear streaked cheeks and a churning stomach and suddenly I was giggling at the stupid water cooler. With each glass filled a new onslaught of giggles would take hold and its infectious nature soon had both of my cousins trying to hold back hysterical laughter as well. The three of us had to go outside and get a grip before returning to the viewing because we were laughing very inappropriately and loudly in the vestibule. So, perhaps this was my last vestige of childlike emotion as I had just hit my teenage years. Or maybe the truth is that laughter and tears are emotions that are intertwined and a moments change in our perception can actually change the feelings involved. Kids can have their perception changed much more easily than grown ups, so that could be why the sudden mood swings happen. Either that or my little girl is a freak. Nah. She's way too cute to be a freak.

So little time...

The days are rushing by and Hannah is growing like a weed and I can't help thinking that I need to find a way to jump off this treadmill and find some way to grab hold of her before I miss it all completely. See, I sorta missed it all completely the first time around and it sucks. I had no choice being a single mom from the time Gary was 18 months old left me in a financial bind. So I worked and worked and worked trying to make ends meet and they barely ever did despite all I lost.

Gary is grateful for all I did give him and loves me dearly. Even at 23 he is still affectionate and caring toward his old mom. He has no resentment in his body toward anyone and he knows all that I did was for our survival. He's a bright kid. He gets it, but still I feel bad. I missed a lot, he missed a lot. He wanted to do cub scouts but couldnt' since they were after school and I worked. He played soccer and little league and played with friends and we had great times, but still I feel like he got short changed. I wasn't the happy go lucky cookie baking mom on the t.v. Well, my mom wasn't exactly Mrs. Brady when it comes down to it.

Still, Hannah is much more sensitive and she wants to do Brownies, she wants to dance, and she wants to learn to play the piano. Personally, I'm think she has ADD like me wanting to do more than is humanly possible all the time, but still how is it possible when we work. And not working isn't really an option not if we'd like to continue living in our nice middle class neighbor hood, with good schools and absorbenent property taxes. Good old NJ bleeding the working class dry.

So what to do. I inquired about Daisies (the tiny Brownies) and they meet after school of course. So this means, I either volunteer to lead a Saturday troop or evening troop, or say no. I am conflicted. Even so, I wanted to be a leader. I was one when Gary was a baby for a year. I love the Girl Scout organization, but its a big responsibility and I don't want to let Hannah down either. So, for now I'm taking it under consideration. I may see if there is a way to do online Girl Scouts. Now there is an idea, like homeschooling. You are the leader for your kid and you can do all the things to help them earn badges, sell cookies the whole thing but without all the scheduling difficulties. Hmmmm. Maybe I can sell the idea of Cyber Scouts to the GSA.