Bad Mommy

So, in a few short months (six to be exact) my oldest baby is going to be married. I have had quite sometime to digest this information as they have been engaged for about three years. I'm glad for that, because they have been together 3-1/2 years. She is a lovely young lady. A Pastor's daughter. My son's pastor, in fact. They are planning a big wedding with all the bells and whistles. I am trying to be a good mother in law and not be pushy or intrusive about the plans. I think I'm doing an okay job of it. Joel and I are a little weird about our role in the whole wedding thing. If I was paying we would be doing something much lower scale. Gary's education isn't paid off yet. I can't borrow any more right now to cover a wedding. Her parents are footing the bill thus far, but in all fairness I know we gotta ante up something. And we intend to, we just aren't really sure what to do exactly. But, we will meet with her mom and dad hash it over and work it out. It's fine.

What's bugging me is that I recently made note in Hannah's baby book about her losing her first tooth. Hannah has two baby books the secular version and the religious version. Joel has been meticulous about updating it adding photos, capturing each little moment on paper , every milestone is documented. This is great. Problem is my eldest child has a baby book too, I think. Somewhere in a box is a book that has the first page filled out with baby's name, mommy's name, daddy's name, date of birth, weight 9 lbs 4 oz., length 19-1/2 in., hospital name and hospital photo. And that is it. I never penned another word. Nothing about his first tooth, first solid food, first word (Daddy), first steps (Christmas Eve 1983) nothing. I was a bad mommy.

In my defense, my marriage tanked sometime during the honeymoon. By the time Gary was 18 months old we were seperated for the third and final installment of the marriage. We divorced bitterly in 1987 (Valentine's Day). I was busy, covering bruises, protecting my baby from an idiot, and trying to please a man who could never ever be pleased. I was depressed, scared, and exhausted. There was little time for journalling.

Still, my baby is getting married and someday he will realize his little sister has every little moment of her life chronicled for history and his life hasn't a word written about it. He'll be okay with it. He'll say he understands, but I know he'll be a little hurt. He'll feel a little slighted.

So, I have a plan. I'm going to take all his baby pictures and go through and make a DVD baby book. I'm going to try to remember every drool, dribble, and gurgle. I'm going to make sure he knows that even though his mommy was distracted 24 years ago, she still thinks he was a great baby, a great kid and a great adult.

Things to mention. He slept through the night from birth (yes, really). He could crawl like a bat out of hell. He learned to walk on Christmas Eve and a Christmas Party our neighbors were throwing. He sat on Santa's lap for the first time when he was 9 days old, our neighbor stopped by in full Santa gear. He wooed his great grandmom the first time she saw him, with his full head of hair and his beautiful gray eyes. He would take 2 four hour naps each day. Ate 4 oz of formula and never spit up. He would play with his toes for hours. We knew he'd be an artist at 9 months old when he painted the bedroom wall with his poopie. He used to make aluminum foil armor for the tiny lego men when he was 7 or 8. He played T-ball and soccer fearlessly. His first curse word was God Damn it (he got that one from me). And the list goes on and on.

For the record, I have two wonderful, marvelous kids. Gary was my first and he has been the best kid a mother could ask for. I'm very very lucky.

Crazy Is As Crazy Does!!

So for those of you who know me, I tend to go overboard. Yes, I admit it. I love to do things in a big way and often find myself overwhelmed, exhausted and completely stressed out. Currently, this is my state. You see I am in pre-everything stage. It starts at Halloween and continues through the Christmas/Hanukkah season.

First there is the all important costume issue. I always make the costume. I hate store bought costumes. They itch. They look cheap. I don't like them. I'm a costume snob. Over the years, my children have had the freedom to choose whatever they liked (for the most part) to be. I however, always made the costume. Gary was a devil, a grim reaper, a clown, and a lion. But the all time best costume and an award winner, might I add, was the year he was the King of Hearts. I took two board canvases and made them into a clap board. The front was painted like a playing card King of Hearts. I copied from the little card, symmetrical and everything. I'm bragging cause it was hard as hell. I painted the back blue with little diamonds on it like a real card too. I then dressed Gary in a black sweatsuit, painted his face all white except for red lips and a red heart (lipstick) around his right eye. He had a plastic gold septor and a velvet crown and it rocked. He didn't want to be a card that year either. I pushed him, but to this day he remembers it as the coolest costume his mom ever made.

So far Hannah has been a Butterfly, Rapunzel, Lilo, Dorothy Gale, Little Bo Peep and this year Little Red Riding Hood. Now, I started on this costume several weeks ago. However, in between we are getting ready for the all important 6th birthday party which is coming up soon. We are having a carnival. Very labor intensive. So in between all this, I also decided to reupholster the rec room pit group. Yes three peices, one of which is a pull out couch. So every weekend my mom is here helping me reupholster. Every night I promised to work on the costume but didn't. Now it is two days away and I'm finally done but for the hem. It's cute and can be used again over the holidays. You'll see when the pics post why.

Now, birthday party mode is full gear. I have to clean the house, bake a cake, finish all the games and planning the areas. We have tattoos, face painting, cotton candy, tic tac toe game, monster bean bag toss, potty bean bag toss, duck pond, Fishing game, Wheel of Fortune game, pony ride, clown with balloons, craft area, soda pop game, and popcorn. Not to mention hotdogs, juice and birthday cake. Joel has been making games, blowing up novelty toys for prizes, putting things together for me for two weekends straight. I was going to order a cake, but the bakeries in these parts lack vision. I called five about wanting a carousel cake. Two needed me to reword that to merry-go-round. None could accommodate more than a standard round or sheet cake with a character decoration or photo icing. So, I am making the cake, too. I have the gum paste to make the ponies (5 of them), I have to get candy sticks for the poles and Voila instant carousel. Just decorate the round cake base with ribbons and ruffles in bright colors. Put the horses on the poles. Put a dowel in the middle wrap it with ribbons and put them to each horse. But not a bakery around could manage this. Scary.

Oh and then their is Daisy scouts I'm a leader with a troop of fifteen. Busy busy. We meet every couple of weeks and it is great, but it is alot of prep. I had to get the stuff for their Halloween party last week too.

Sometime I need to clean house. Then I am having surgery on my right hand. Yes, I'm right dominant. So this means no work for 8 weeks and even worse, I do Thanksgiving and love doing it. So my son, daughter in law, and mother will be here helping me get it done for all my hubby's family who travels from out of town to be here. I've made my peace with it but I'm not really thrilled with the whole surgery thing. Sadly, when I broke my wrist at work 3 years ago, the break on the ulna side did not heal. Additionally, the ligaments have detached on that side, so that is what is being fixed. Yuck!

Then we have the whole Hanukkah, Christmas holiday fest. I have already begun shopping I got some birthday stuff and some other holiday stuff to put away. I'm trying to do a little at a time since I can't drive with a full cast on. Or at least you aren't supposed to.

So, I'm a bit overwhelmed. Want to finish the couch before the surgery, but its not looking so good right now. It is making progress though and I try to remember that I'm only human. Still, its starting to stress me out and overwhelm me. I think I need to take a breather.

Now, back to work.....