A Six Year Old's Dream Birthday -- A Carnival!

I completely admit that as a parent I do overcompensate. My daughter is spoiled. Not completely rotten but to the a little smelly but still good stage, as spoiling goes. She's usually a pretty good girl. We have those hormonal moments all little girls have where you wonder who's side of the family that nasty little behavior comes from with appalling knowledge that it is most likely yours, but otherwise she's pretty sweet and lovable.

I also admit that I was a bit pampered as I got older. As a young child, we were poor. Really poor. My daddy was sick alot, my mom worked at Sears, my uncle paid our electric and heat (stole it from our mailbox) and my dad's life insurance (just in case), so my mom could make ends meet. For my fifth birthday and my brother's 3rd (we are 2 years and 6 days apart) my mother threw us a party in our small apartment. We each were allowed to invite one guest only. It was all she could afford. I always wanted a pony and a clown but we never had the money when I was still little enough to really appreciate it. Later when my father's health improved and our financial status with it, he made it up to my brother and I with lavish summer vacations to Florida and Disney World when it opened and the beach. But that little girl fantasy of big birthday party with a pony and a clown never went away.

So, when Hannah said she wanted a carnival birthday party I was psyched. She wanted carnival games and prizes and cotton candy. The works. So I set about it. At first, it seemed like a fun and fairly simple enterprise. But those who know and love me, also know that I can make simple look like rocket science without any difficulty at all.

First, we had the games. I designed and had poor hubby make carnival games from plywood, dowels, and other various and sundried craft supplies. We made a "Wheel of Fortune". It was a great plan, but it didn't spin evenly, it wobbled, it needed multiple corrections and adjustments before it was just right. Then there was the "Tic Tac Toe" Game. I got three small dodge balls and a 2 big peices of foam board. The plan was simple. Make a big square tic tac toe board with holes in the centers of each square big enough to hold the little balls when rolled on it. Then make sides so the balls don't roll off. Simple, well yes and no. So again many adjustments later we had a winner. Then there were the little duckies with party hats we ordered from Oriental Trading Personally, I love this site and usually everything I order is great. The little toys and games for birthday parties rock. So when I saw these cute little duckies with party hats and for a great price I scoffed them up. They'd be perfect for the duck pond...or not. First of all, they were literally 1" in size. Secondly, cute little hats made the little guys float upside down, not condusive to Duck Pond action. Numbers need to be on the bottom. So here I am morning of the party rubber banding nickles (pennies were too light) to the bottom of the duckies to keep them from being top heavy but so they didn't sink. Yes, it was fun to watch. We also had a Lollipop Tree-- Pick a Pop and win a prize. A Bean Bag Toss and A Ring Toss and A Fishing Game rounded out the action. We had loads of stuffed animals, puzzles, and blow up toys as carnival prizes and each kid got their own Giant Goodie Bag (Large Gift Bags from the Dollar Store).

Thank God for the God Squad (Gary's Church Friends). They supplied the much needed manpower to help run all the activities. In addition to games, we had a cotton candy stand, face painting (Gary's station), Creative Station where they painted little plaster of paris figurines to take home (they all started there while we set up), Pony ride, and a Clown.

I also made hot dogs and they had popcorn and juice. I was lucky enough to find these cool circus animal shaped sippy cups. One clear animal shapes with wide lids and tails that were straws that were rather big and easily filled with popcorn and the other narrow bright colored plastic animals with straws at the top which we filled with juice. Both were in a clearance bin for 10 cents each. A Baaaarrrgain. Oh yessirree bub!!! I love stuff like that.

Lastly, there was the cake which I lamented about earlier and is pictured above with the birthday girl. Despite all the hard work, the party was a blast and went off without a hitch. That said, next year I think we may go bowling.

Who's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf

As promised, albeit a bit delayed here is the Halloween costume for 2006. The dress is really cute. Just a jumper beneath the cape, but perfect for school or other occassions. Not just a Halloween costume. That would be the darling hubby in my nightie and wolf mask. You can tell she's just horrified with giggles. All in all it was a fun time had by all. Lots of candy. Lots of laughter and lots of fun. What more could you ask. Oh yeah, warm weather. We got that too!!! It was a balmy 60 degrees. So warm Riding Hood kept ditching the hoodie between houses.

Bad Mommy

So, in a few short months (six to be exact) my oldest baby is going to be married. I have had quite sometime to digest this information as they have been engaged for about three years. I'm glad for that, because they have been together 3-1/2 years. She is a lovely young lady. A Pastor's daughter. My son's pastor, in fact. They are planning a big wedding with all the bells and whistles. I am trying to be a good mother in law and not be pushy or intrusive about the plans. I think I'm doing an okay job of it. Joel and I are a little weird about our role in the whole wedding thing. If I was paying we would be doing something much lower scale. Gary's education isn't paid off yet. I can't borrow any more right now to cover a wedding. Her parents are footing the bill thus far, but in all fairness I know we gotta ante up something. And we intend to, we just aren't really sure what to do exactly. But, we will meet with her mom and dad hash it over and work it out. It's fine.

What's bugging me is that I recently made note in Hannah's baby book about her losing her first tooth. Hannah has two baby books the secular version and the religious version. Joel has been meticulous about updating it adding photos, capturing each little moment on paper , every milestone is documented. This is great. Problem is my eldest child has a baby book too, I think. Somewhere in a box is a book that has the first page filled out with baby's name, mommy's name, daddy's name, date of birth, weight 9 lbs 4 oz., length 19-1/2 in., hospital name and hospital photo. And that is it. I never penned another word. Nothing about his first tooth, first solid food, first word (Daddy), first steps (Christmas Eve 1983) nothing. I was a bad mommy.

In my defense, my marriage tanked sometime during the honeymoon. By the time Gary was 18 months old we were seperated for the third and final installment of the marriage. We divorced bitterly in 1987 (Valentine's Day). I was busy, covering bruises, protecting my baby from an idiot, and trying to please a man who could never ever be pleased. I was depressed, scared, and exhausted. There was little time for journalling.

Still, my baby is getting married and someday he will realize his little sister has every little moment of her life chronicled for history and his life hasn't a word written about it. He'll be okay with it. He'll say he understands, but I know he'll be a little hurt. He'll feel a little slighted.

So, I have a plan. I'm going to take all his baby pictures and go through and make a DVD baby book. I'm going to try to remember every drool, dribble, and gurgle. I'm going to make sure he knows that even though his mommy was distracted 24 years ago, she still thinks he was a great baby, a great kid and a great adult.

Things to mention. He slept through the night from birth (yes, really). He could crawl like a bat out of hell. He learned to walk on Christmas Eve and a Christmas Party our neighbors were throwing. He sat on Santa's lap for the first time when he was 9 days old, our neighbor stopped by in full Santa gear. He wooed his great grandmom the first time she saw him, with his full head of hair and his beautiful gray eyes. He would take 2 four hour naps each day. Ate 4 oz of formula and never spit up. He would play with his toes for hours. We knew he'd be an artist at 9 months old when he painted the bedroom wall with his poopie. He used to make aluminum foil armor for the tiny lego men when he was 7 or 8. He played T-ball and soccer fearlessly. His first curse word was God Damn it (he got that one from me). And the list goes on and on.

For the record, I have two wonderful, marvelous kids. Gary was my first and he has been the best kid a mother could ask for. I'm very very lucky.

Crazy Is As Crazy Does!!

So for those of you who know me, I tend to go overboard. Yes, I admit it. I love to do things in a big way and often find myself overwhelmed, exhausted and completely stressed out. Currently, this is my state. You see I am in pre-everything stage. It starts at Halloween and continues through the Christmas/Hanukkah season.

First there is the all important costume issue. I always make the costume. I hate store bought costumes. They itch. They look cheap. I don't like them. I'm a costume snob. Over the years, my children have had the freedom to choose whatever they liked (for the most part) to be. I however, always made the costume. Gary was a devil, a grim reaper, a clown, and a lion. But the all time best costume and an award winner, might I add, was the year he was the King of Hearts. I took two board canvases and made them into a clap board. The front was painted like a playing card King of Hearts. I copied from the little card, symmetrical and everything. I'm bragging cause it was hard as hell. I painted the back blue with little diamonds on it like a real card too. I then dressed Gary in a black sweatsuit, painted his face all white except for red lips and a red heart (lipstick) around his right eye. He had a plastic gold septor and a velvet crown and it rocked. He didn't want to be a card that year either. I pushed him, but to this day he remembers it as the coolest costume his mom ever made.

So far Hannah has been a Butterfly, Rapunzel, Lilo, Dorothy Gale, Little Bo Peep and this year Little Red Riding Hood. Now, I started on this costume several weeks ago. However, in between we are getting ready for the all important 6th birthday party which is coming up soon. We are having a carnival. Very labor intensive. So in between all this, I also decided to reupholster the rec room pit group. Yes three peices, one of which is a pull out couch. So every weekend my mom is here helping me reupholster. Every night I promised to work on the costume but didn't. Now it is two days away and I'm finally done but for the hem. It's cute and can be used again over the holidays. You'll see when the pics post why.

Now, birthday party mode is full gear. I have to clean the house, bake a cake, finish all the games and planning the areas. We have tattoos, face painting, cotton candy, tic tac toe game, monster bean bag toss, potty bean bag toss, duck pond, Fishing game, Wheel of Fortune game, pony ride, clown with balloons, craft area, soda pop game, and popcorn. Not to mention hotdogs, juice and birthday cake. Joel has been making games, blowing up novelty toys for prizes, putting things together for me for two weekends straight. I was going to order a cake, but the bakeries in these parts lack vision. I called five about wanting a carousel cake. Two needed me to reword that to merry-go-round. None could accommodate more than a standard round or sheet cake with a character decoration or photo icing. So, I am making the cake, too. I have the gum paste to make the ponies (5 of them), I have to get candy sticks for the poles and Voila instant carousel. Just decorate the round cake base with ribbons and ruffles in bright colors. Put the horses on the poles. Put a dowel in the middle wrap it with ribbons and put them to each horse. But not a bakery around could manage this. Scary.

Oh and then their is Daisy scouts I'm a leader with a troop of fifteen. Busy busy. We meet every couple of weeks and it is great, but it is alot of prep. I had to get the stuff for their Halloween party last week too.

Sometime I need to clean house. Then I am having surgery on my right hand. Yes, I'm right dominant. So this means no work for 8 weeks and even worse, I do Thanksgiving and love doing it. So my son, daughter in law, and mother will be here helping me get it done for all my hubby's family who travels from out of town to be here. I've made my peace with it but I'm not really thrilled with the whole surgery thing. Sadly, when I broke my wrist at work 3 years ago, the break on the ulna side did not heal. Additionally, the ligaments have detached on that side, so that is what is being fixed. Yuck!

Then we have the whole Hanukkah, Christmas holiday fest. I have already begun shopping I got some birthday stuff and some other holiday stuff to put away. I'm trying to do a little at a time since I can't drive with a full cast on. Or at least you aren't supposed to.

So, I'm a bit overwhelmed. Want to finish the couch before the surgery, but its not looking so good right now. It is making progress though and I try to remember that I'm only human. Still, its starting to stress me out and overwhelm me. I think I need to take a breather.

Now, back to work.....

School GLORIOUS School!!

It has happened. Yes, alert the media. My baby started Kindergarten. And yes, her mother embarrassed her on her first day. Yes, I followed her to daycare with camera in one had and video recorder in the other. Like a stellar reporter I was on assignment to do the Hannah documentary.

Naturally, she just tried to ignore me and responses to my questions were met with short responses.

Mommy: Are you nervous?

Hannah: Whatever?

Mommy: Hannah are you excited?

Hannah: (no response just eyes rolling)

Mommy: Hannah tell everyone what today is.

Hannah: Just kindergarten. (using her I'm way to cool for this voice).

I waved to her watching her walk down the hallway with her new class and new teacher. I chatted amiably with the daycare teacher who had chaperoned her from the daycare to the kindergarten school. (I let Hannah go to school on the bus from daycare like she will normally, to avoid confusion and I followed in my car.). I then went into my car. Rewound the video and watched it again with feelings of great sadness that my baby is growing up.

I picked her up from daycare ready to revel in stories of her first big day at real school. Again, she's far to cool for that.

Mommy: How was your first day of Kindergarten?

Hannah: Okay.

Mommy: What did you do?

Hannah: Nothing.

Mommy: Oh come on, you had to do something.

Hannah: We had chocolate milk. They don't have any snack. That's not fair.

Mommy: We only had white milk when I went to school and one graham cracker, you aren't missing much.

Hannah: Yuck.

Mommy: So you only had snack???

Hannah: No we learned where the milk money and our stuff goes.

Mommy: (who is really disappointed) Anything else?

Hannah: No, not really. Did you know they don't take naps at daycare either?

Mommy: But, you never take a nap on the weekends.

Hannah: Yeah but school makes me tired.

All that milk drinking must have been exhausting. LOL. Oh well, maybe next week.

On a separate note, conformity is alive and well and still hanging out in public schools. As you see, Hannah was wearing a cute little dress. Hannah loathes jeans. She is girlie girl supreme and would much rather wear a dress or skirt any day for any occasion.

As we prepared for bed after her first most exciting day, I began to ask her what she wanted to wear tomorrow. I showed her the cute Gymboree skirt she has that is all pretty colors and the new orange t-shirt I got to go with it. I showed her the pretty Oilily skirt I got in Chicago for her and the pretty white floral tank that she has that matches it perfectly. I showed her the pink dress, the green dress, the blue dress. After much consideration, she says, "I want to wear jeans."

"WHAT?!?" I'm flabbergasted. A lemming already and not even 6 years old. Yikes.

Calmly I ask. "Did most of the kids wear jeans today?"

"Yea or shorts." she says sounding a tad disappointed.

So, I had a long talk to her about individuality and being herself and not following the crowd and being a leader, not a follower. I explained to her that if she likes wearing dresses, then she should do what she likes. She will be amazed to find out that other girls will see her dressed up and want to dress up too. She picked the green dress. And excitedly related that on her second day of school two other girls wore dresses.

I can hardly wait for junior high. YIKES.

The Tooth Fairy Cometh

A milestone has happened. Hannah lost her first tooth and is soon to lose her second. The first tooth was loose for about two weeks and Hannah, in typical Hannah fashion, wiggled it and wiggled it with complete and total insistence that it would fall out sooner rather than later. It fell out at Daycare and they put the teeny tiny tooth in a great big envelope for her to bring home.

She placed the tiny tooth beneath her pillow and was delighted when the next morning she discovered a dollar bill where her tiny tooth had be left. The excitement has lingered longer than normal too. At my mom's house the other day, she announced that the tooth fairy left her a dollar because she knew that she was friends with Nicole and Melissa and that was what they got. I had to laugh. Nicole and Melissa visited over a month ago and mention of the tooth fairy had been brief, yet it was not lost on Hannah. Good thing the tooth fairy was paying attention or their could have been trouble.

Being the good Mommy, we have noted it in the Baby book that we have. Actually, I'm not that good, Joel reminded me to do it and left the book open to the page with a pen on the table so I could not forget. This is typical Joel behavior, mind you. He remembers details and makes sure that I'm the good Mommy. Don't believe me, take a gander at Gary's baby book sometime (if I can find it that is). It is filled out with Baby's name, Mommy's name, asshole's name --I mean Daddy's name (ex-hubby), weight, length, eyes, hair, and that is about it. I never opened it again until maybe he was six when it turned up and I realized I had never filled it out. Darn.

Ironically, in the bookstore the other day I happened upon a pretty cool baby book, one that my husband, being a weirdo, would really, really like. It is called "The Inappropriate Baby Book" by Jennifer Stinson. It includes some lovely memories like first poopie diaper and asks for details like color and consistency. Suprisingly this disgusting info would actually be helpful if your pediatrician needs details due to formula digestion problems. I know we had to keep track. At any rate, it is good for a few laughs and is guaranteed to embarrass the heck out of the little monster when they hit dating age. I love stuff like that. It's payback for ages 2-4.

Anyway, Miss Hannah has hit a milestone. She is no longer a baby girl or even a toddler. She is a full fledged little girl now. Bye bye babyhood, hello girlhood. Two weeks to Kindergarten day one....I'll keep you posted.

MP3, Media Player and Me

I have always considered myself fairly well educated, fairly estute, and extremely competent with computers and such. That said, I am considering throwing the computer into the toilet in a billion little pieces and flushing. In my lifetime, I have found few things as frustrating has the literal hours wasted trying to get a hunk of plastic to do my will against its apparent inexplicable defiance. I'm no idiot. I do understand that that a computer is an inanimate object capable of no malice toward me, however in the past 10 hours I can assure you my computer is out to get me.

My husband got me an MP3 player from my birthday. I'm ecstatic! I finally sit down to download some tunes and put them on the player so I have some music to take with me to the gym to motivate the lazy out of me. Oh yes, I'm totally psyched. So long list in hand I go to my Window Media Player open it go to the music download website and begin buying music. Yes, I'm buying my downloads. I prefer my media virus free, thank you. My darling son has destroyed to hard drives thanks to free music at the hands of Napster back before the lawsuit and Kazaa. So, the old person goes to Walmart and for $0.88 I can buy a song. Works for me. Until now.

Suddenly, every third search and I'm getting debug screens and getting kicked out. I restart. I run anti virus, I run adaware, I check the version, all is well and still nothing but trouble. Hours later I'm finally checking out with my music the download is smooth as silk. Thank God the weekend is here and I can finish. But, no!!!! DSL is down again. It seems DSL is down every single weekend or evening that I need to go online. This frightens me since I am on line at most twice a week lately, so is it always down???? Hmmmm. I wonder. Okay so I call the stupid internet provider. Go through all the IP address yadayada and viola back online we go 20 minutes later.

Okay, finally done that and we can put it on the MP3. Well maybe. The MP3 program has very very basic instructions. The book is even worse. The website is useless. Okay, so I can figure this out. If a 10 year old can do this I can, right? Well not without much confusion, making multiple unnessary file copies and wondering if it was going to work finally three or four times. Hey, wow its syncing. Its copying. I did it. I take the player off and nothing. Crap!!! Try again. It says its copying. I read book again. Ohhhhh disconnect first on the computer. Remove hardware safely. Got it!!! Okay. Victory, there are songs. YAY!!! Okay hit play. It's working and then 10 seconds into the song. Click. off it goes. You must be kidding. I read book for the fifteen time. Not a damned thing. Hit play it says. I do. Ten seconds of music then off it goes. I ask my son. He says its defective. NOOOOOOOO. IT CANNOT BE. I've been at this for days.

Next morning, with much sadness I play with the MP3 again. I hit the buttons, go through the selections, read the different options, try this, try that and all of the sudden. Bam it works. What did I do, you ask? How should I know, but it works. YAY!!!

So, now here we are many downloads later, trying to make a compilation CD for a friend of some of my playlist for exercise. Simple, I've done this dozens of times. But, not today. I have spent 8 hours trying to Burn 7 CD's. None are done. I have tried burning in Microsoft Media Player. My son says this is crap and tells me to use Sonic Stage. I copy all the wma files over individually to Sonic Stage, it won't accept the conversion for copyright reasons. I bought these mind you and have 10 burns I can do with the licenses I purchased. I try Nero -- Nada. Now it's 8:30 at night and I leave in 3 days to see my friends and I have accomplished Jack Diddle today. Such frustration. The only cool thing is that I have a rocking MP3!!! Yay.

So, here's my playlist. If you have any cool songs to add, let me know. If I ever figure out the fast way to do this I may add them on too.

All Right Now -- Free
Barbie Girl -- Aqua
In these Shoes --Kristy McColl
Black Horse in a Cherry Tree -- KT Turnstall
Born to be Wild
Catch me Now I'm falling
Crocodile Rock-- Elton
Dancin in the Street
Fighter -- Christina Augilara
Get this Party Started -- Pink
Gimme all your Lovin'
Rich Girl --
It's My Life -- Bon Jovi
Jailhouse Rock -- Elvis
These Boots are made for walkin' -- Jessica Simpson
Jungle Boogie
Let's Go Crazy - Prince
Independence Day - Martina McBride
Just a Girl
Play the Funky Music
Fat Bottomed Girl -- Queen
Super Freak- Rick James
Rock N Roll All Night Long -- Kiss
Since U been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
Thank God I'm a Country Boy -- John Denver
Ballroom Blitz -- Sweet
Truckin- Grateful Dead
Unwritten - Natasha Beningfield
Walk This Way - Aerosmith
We didn't start the fire - Billy Joel
You May be right -- Billy Joel
You Really Got me -- Kinks
A Little Less Conversation - Elvis
Ain't Nobody - Chaka Khan
Lady Marmalade -- Chaka Khan
The Cup of Life -- Ricky Martin
Blue - Eiffel 65
Shake your Bon bon -- Ricky Martin
Brown Sugar -- Rolling Stone
Jump Jive and Wail -- Bryan Setzer
Rock this Town -- Bryan Setzer
Zorba's Dance - Zorba the Greek
Over the Rainbow/Its a Wonderful Life-- Israel (some very long name)
I need to be sedated -- the Ramones
Strong Enough -- Cher
Bring me to Life-- Evanessance.
Mustang Sally - Wilson Pickett
Love Shack - b-52's
Sos -Rhianna
Welcome to the Jungle -- Guns and Roses
Milkshake
Naughty Girl - Beyonce
Fever- Verve Remix -Sarah Vaughan
Brick House - Commodores
I need a Her0
Kashmir - Led Zeppelin
Psycho Killer -- Talking Heads
Jessie's Girl -- Rick Springfield
And many more. .....

Passing over into Easter !!!

It is Spring!!! Yay. And in honor of spring. Hannah has been taken through the ritual known as Passover. Oh yes, it starts with the hunt for the pretty and perfect Passover dress. Which we found at TJ Maxx for 29.00. Same dress at Macy's 89.00 What a bargain!!! Joel saw it at Macy's and almost fainted. He thought 29.00 was a little much. Now he and I are on the same team about clothes at least. Anyway, dress is lovely and as you can see she and Mr. Bunny had a lovely picture taken at the mall immediately following the purchase. Changed in the ladies room. Oh yes, we did.

So, Thursday night we made our annual trek to our friends house to celebrate the Passover Seder. In the car, Hannah pull the center flower off the dress. It's okay. Super mom digs through the 400 reciepts, notes, random slips of paper, $50.00 worth of change mostly in pennies, fuzz covered Altoids, and business cards for people I don't even remember in her purse. Oh yes, I have a pink knock off Coach bag with a fancy smancy pink fuzzy pony tail holder replacing the missing zipper pull. There must be a safety pin, super glue, something in the bottom of this carryall I carry. Lo and behold, a safety pin. Salvation. Perfect, pretty dress is restored. Grand entrance is saved. We arrive without further deflowering 40 minutes later, a little rumpled from the car seat but fine.

In we go to greet our friends and their assorted 20 some relatives for the King of all Seders. It's 7:30 and we have worked all day and been up since 4:00 a.m. thanks to Hannah's week long fight with a "non-descriminant" fever (Doctor's words not mine). It finally broke Thursday morning. Still, despite the drive, the long day, and the knowledge that this crowd does not do the Reader's Digest condensed version of Seder we are happy to be included and happy to see our dear friends John and Candy. According to tradition, the candles must be lit 18 minutes before Sundown exactly. So, we start around 8:30. About ten minutes before we light the candles. Cloe their labrador yanks the same flower off the dress and I am relieved. Ok, the dog gets blamed for flower falling off. I fix again with same pin and Hannah spends the evening protecting her floral waistband from Cloe.

Now, for those who haven't been to Seder or are unfamiliar, it is a dinner that celebrates the miracles that God gave the Hebrews in their Exodus from Egypt. It recounts the 10 plagues. Hannah has finger puppets. We brought them and they were a huge hit with the couple sitting next to us. The wife was wiggling Mr. Lice Puppet in her hubby's hair giggling "oooh Honey you have lice." It was quite hysterical. At Jon and Candy's the service is mostly done in Hebrew by their family and the rest of us take turns reading the Haggadah (the book that outlines the service) in English. The entire first part requires drinking two glasses of wine, tasting the matzah, washing hands twice (can't be too clean), eat haroses (apples, wine, walnuts and honey mushed together), a little horseradish cause life can be bitter, some potatoes or parsley in salt water, all is symbolic of different parts of the tale of Exodus, and then Jon hides the Afikomen. A piece of Matzah in a bag, which Hannah spied and found right away.

Dinner was monsterous and delicious and by the time we began with our choices of 3 soups and 6 appetizers it was 10 o'clock and Hannah wasn't interested in food at all. After dessert, there are two more glasses of wine and then Hannah must sell the Afikomen back to the host so we can all have a taste which ends the food portion of the Seder. Nothing can be eaten after the Afikomen, which since it was after 11 p.m. wasn't likely anyway. Hannah tells Jon "I'll sell it for a C Note." She was coached by the adult children at the table. Jon yelped "A C-note? How about a brand new five dollar bill?" Hannah accepted, she had no idea what a C-note was but five dollars she knows. After the two glasses of wine, a few dozen Psalms in Hebrew and English and three or four songs it was over. And even though it was late and we were exhausted and still had a long ride back home, I couldn't help but appreciate the Seder this year more than before.

So many people skip the end part, but Candy never does. This year I followed along closely and understood why. The end part is a bunch of the Psalms that Thank God for all the good He does in our lives. It is just a lot of praise and thanks for everything that is good in our lives. I think no more fitting an end should be after a delicious dinner with loving friends and what better lesson teach our children than God did all these great things for us and saved us even when we acted badly or didn't have faith. How can you go through a whole evening recounting the wonder of this and not take time to say, Thank you just a few more times?

Today, we died Easter eggs with my Mom. She and my stepdad came over and we died eggs and stuffed plastic eggs, (120 of them) for the Easter Egg hunt at my mom's tomorrow afternoon. My nephews are going to be there too. It should be a blast. And we will be staying for dinner, while my brother and his kids are going to have dinner with family at home. All in all it's beautiful outside, spiritual inside and the wonder of miracles surrounds us all. I love this time of year.


Hope all of you have a wonderful Passover/Easter too.

HOSPITAL -- AMBULANCE -- ASTHMA-- OH MY!!!

Well, here I go again. As with her big brother Gary, our little Hannah has asthma. Now this diagnosis is not a big surprise for me. I have been trying to pry the words from our doctor's lips for some time now. I've heard chronic bronchitis, accute bronchitis, bronchial pnuemonia and viral syndrome. This time, was going to be different. She wasn't sick. Not a fever, not a cough, not a bit of a symptom. She had a little wheeze on Sunday afternoon. We gave her a breathing treament with the handy dandy nebulizer we've had for three years thanks to the accute bronchitis that accompanied her ear infections. Gave her another one Sunday after dinner. I looked in on her around 11:30 and still heard a bit of wheeze so we gave her one more at midnight.

When I woke at the ungodly hour of 5:00 a.m. for a potty call, I peeked in to check on her. She was sound asleep and panting like a runner who just finished a marathon. Uh oh!!! Not good. Time to go to the ER. Of course, my hubby, couldn't believe it, but I assured him that I've been down this rocky road and it was time to go. So we packed child, blankie and lambie in the car and zipped over to the ER.

After 3 breathing treatments in 3 hours her pulse ox was still under 95. Actually it was higher when we came in than it was at this point. They gave her oral steriods and had to hold her down. She was not having any yucky cough medicine or so she thought. Poor orderly felt so bad that he kept sneaking her Sponge Bob stickers. Meanwhile, they put her and her lambie on oxygen. Cutting the little cording and fitting to lambies soft plush head really helped ease her adjustment. They then took lambie's pulse ox while they took Hannah's. Lambie even got a sticker. They were really great. Sadly, Hannah was going to have to stay. Even more sadly, for my health coverage carrier, she would have to be transported to another hospital where there was a pediatric ward.

She loved the ambulance ride and all the attention. Daddy followed in our car. And she was greeted right away by the pediatric nurse who knew her name and all about Lambie. My step sister who works at the hospital in nutrition, saw to it that Hannah had VIP status which meant anything she wants they would make. She had pizza, chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese during her stay. She was pampered. She also had a video tape player and some movies and a t.v. and a Super Nintendo and games. She learned to play Super Mario Brothers with help from Gary and had a blast.

The first day she slept and watched t.v. quietly and did breathing treatments every 1-1/2 hours. Day two she felt better but was still on oxygen and thank God for Nintendo. It was what kept her in bed and contented. She was really very good and not whiny or miserable at all. By late afternoon on Day 2 she was able to go for a bit without the oxygen and we got to go to the playroom. They had another t.v. and more movies. Lots of movies and books and coloring books and games and jigsaw puzzles and carnival mirrors in the hall that did not do anything for my hips. She had so much fun and drove a little car up and down the halls and it was okay. No one minded at all.

My mom came up for a few hours so I could go home and shower and change clothes. I took the overnight Monday and Joel came up Tuesday night and spent the night so I could go to work. On the third day, they released her, with more steroids and more prescriptions and a follow up with the pediatrician. She has asthma. No kidding, I thought, I knew this 3 years ago. I'm just so grateful that I know the signs and know when to go to the ER. She is still on steroid breathing treatments and has gained about 3 lbs. but she's doing fine. Thank God.

CUPID, THAT DAMNED LITTLE FAIRY!

Ah, yes. January has blown on by and February is upon us. Soon it will be Valentine's Day. The day that has been trumped up by greeting card companies worldwide to be the culmination of all that is good and loving in each person's life. The reality is that Valentine's Day is dreaded by men worldwide who are clueless about what the hell to do for the woman in their life who are expecting grandiose gestures of affection and undying love in the form of cards, candy, dinners at fancy restaurants and baubles of diamonds to flash at their single friends. For those single friends, Valentine's day is the dreaded day of mourning for a love life that is missing in action and a brutal reminder of one's lonliness that can usually be overlooked easily on other days. Cupid and his arrows running amok shooting arrows everywhere and bringing more misery than love to most of us. I'm trying to figure out how this commercialized mess of a holiday came to be such a money machine when the reality of what it stands for should be the real focus. As with Christmas, merchandisers has blown the whole thing out of proportion and created chaos in the name of goodness.

My solution is that we take back this little insignificant holiday. What everyone wants is to know they are loved? The greeting card companies, restaurants and jewelers have conveyed a message that February 14th is the day to pull out all the stops to show that special someone just how much that love cost you. It's simply ridiculous. GUYS -- Women love jewelry or at least most of us do. Planning to prepose, don't do it on Valentine's Day. God, it is soooo cliche'. Wait till a random Tuesday night in August or something. She will be blown away. Totally won't suspect it. Valentine's Day any jewelry short of a ring is lost in the anticipation of that big question. We get a little box and it has dazzling diamond earrings in it normally, we would be flabbergasted, thrilled and think it was amazing and sweet. On Valentine's Day, we see a little box and get all excited and think "Here it comes" and we see earrings and think "Damn, he's never going to pop the question." So, just skip the jewelry. In fact, you could skip most of the stuff and still score hugely in the romance department. Ladies, this goes for you too. And, if you are single or have friends that are take time on Valentines day to take them out. Go dancing with a bunch of friends including single ones, send them a card that let's them know how great a friend they are, or send them a little token of affection to let them know you cherish their friendship. Believe me, they will really appreciate it because Valentine's day sucks for the single.

Here is my list of awesome and romantic things to do for Valentine's Day. Married, single, engaged or just dating, these gifts require a little work, a little time, a little creativity but really touch the heart and will score big.

1. Cook dinner. Make a wonderful romantic dinner at your place with flowers on the table, candlelight, soft music. It doesn't have to be anything complicated. Spaghetti and a salad with a great loaf of italian bread and a bottle of red wine with a store bought tira misu for dessert would work great. Or order food and pick it up. Put is on some plates and heat in the microwave. Use nice plates too, not paper. Don't have nice plates or wine glasses? Go to a dollar store. You only need two of each.

2. Make a collage. I actually did this for Joel last year. Look through magazines and cut out words that relate to your feelings or thoughts about your loved one. Cut them out and glue them to a poster board. I cut out words on white and red backgrounds only and then used the red words to form a heart in the center and put all the white words on the outside. So not only does it have all these words like, Sweet, heart, lover, sexy, cute, romance, darling, hot, etc. on it but when you step away it is a picture of a big red heart. Very cool and he really loved it.

3. Make a "How do I love you let me count the ways list". Sit down at a computer and type all the things you love about him/her. Use pretty fonts, colors, etc. Make the list as long or short as you like and then print it and put it inside a card or frame it or present it like a scroll with a ribbon tied around it.

4. Make a CD of songs that make me think of us. Go to www.walmart.com for 88 cent downloads and burn a CD of great songs. Print a picture of yourself or the two of you and crop it to fit in a jewel case. Viola.

5. Rent some romantic movies, pop popcorn and make some chocolate martinis, and snuggle on the couch. You could even print tickets for a romantic night at the movies and stick them in a card.

6. Go do something wild and fun. Take snowboarding lessons, go to a place with casinos and play for a while, go whalewatching, go to a ceramic studio and make his and her coffee mugs. Go for a walk in a beautiful and breathtaking place you know. Go to the ocean and walk the beach its desserted in February and beautiful if there is snow. Afterward, go find a little place and share a hot chocolate and warm up each others hands.

7. Go get massages together or take a couples yoga class.

8. Have a scavenger hunt. Write cryptic clues and leave them at different locations either in the house or outside leading to the bedroom, or a hot bubble filled tub or a gift hidden somewhere.

9. Fill a fish bowl with pink and red hearts each with little love poems written on each. You can find buckets of love poems or sayings at a local library. Just fold the hearts in half and drop them in. Tie with a pretty bow on the rim. Add some chocolate kisses for fun.

10. Give a fish. Silly I know but quaintly romantic. Name it something romatic like Romeo or Casanova. A little beta can live in a regular fish bowl and can adorn an office desk. They are relaxing, easy to care for, and will remind the person of you each time they look at it swimming about.

13. Make a gift basket. Just take a box and cut it so it is about 3-4" high and open topped. Wrap in a valentine type wrapping paper. Fill it with some tissue paper and trinkets. You can find loads of inexpensive items at different stores, dollar stores. You can do a junk food box for a football fan and put a little foam football in there too. You can do a massage box, filled with massage oil, body lotion, body shampoo, and a handheld massager along with a coupon that can be presented to you to give that massage to your loved one. A box filled with a couple romantic movie dvds, a box of microwave popcorn and some raisinets for the movie lover. A box of nailpolish and a manicure gift certificate for the pampered princess.

14. Nothing says I love you like.... use your imagination. Usually the answer is simple. A poem that you wrote yourself. A key to your apartment on a heart shaped key ring. A book that you loved and wanted to share. Meeting your parents. Meeting your friends. Going away for the weekend together. The opera, theater, museums, or concerts.

The key is find what your loved one loves besides you and you have the key. It takes very little to be a romantic fool and it shouldn't be something that happens one day a year. If you are in love or even think you might be on your way, showing the other person your heart is important. Do hearts break. Yeah, they do, but they heal too and become stronger and more caring and more durable. So, don't hold back love, give it freely, accept it gladly and believe that there is someone for each of us to love in our lifetimes. We can each find our soulmate with patience and by opening our hearts.

So forget the expensive stuff. Do something amazingly heart felt and loving. Teach that fairy and his freinds a lesson or two about love. That it can't be bought and sold. It doesn't have a carat weight, and that love does not have to be only for couples. Friends are loved by friends. So, show love to all your friends and family too. Let's change this dreaded holiday into a love fest like it was the sixties. Just love everybody that day. Imagine what a day like that could bring to the world.

I hate my Job

As a working mother, I have always considered myself successful. I began working at age sixteen and had my first full time job while still in highschool. I dropped out of college after a semester to enter the work world full time thinking that money held far more appeal than further education possibly could. Nineteen years ago I began working for my present employer as an Executive Secretary. I barely typed 40 wpm, but I was a fast learner, hard worker, and incredibly dedicated. Seven years ago I was promoted to Billing Manager. A huge feat since this company is a maritime company and has for over fifty years been a veritable boy's club when it came to management positions. I was the first female manager in the fifty year history. I should have been elated, but I was only promoted to prevent a law suit. They were planning on promoting a male employee with similar education, and less experience and someone apparently foresaw the discrimination case looming in their future and thought it best to promote both of us. So, this knowledge has always left me a bit deflated by their efforts to appreciate my talents and skills for what they really have contributed to the betterment of the company.

Well, recent developments created major stress related situations in our office due to utter stupidity in the upper hierarchy of the executive offices. Placement of employees in the department who created serious personnel problems, hiring of employees with salary discrepancies in relation to existing employees, giving employees with political connections promotions and huge raises while employees with more experience and more deserving were left in the dust. I weathered all these storms for the past year and eventually decided that it was time to request a raise. I have had my position for seven years. I have made major changes within the department in the past year and a half that have resulted in better use of time, more efficiency, more accuracy and faster revenue results. I have written and organized an accounting manual that outlines all of the departments various daily, monthly, and annual procedures. I created procedures for enhanced security within the company that have yet to be realized due to lack of cooperation from other departments including one who has worked their less time and makes more money. My frustration led me to putting this letter together to my boss and the CEO requesting a pay increase. I was very professional in my request. I delineated my contributions over the past year and reminded them of my years of service, dedication and vast working knowledge of the company due to my varied experiences while working there. I mentioned that I have been continuing my education in hopes of attaining my degree in Human Resource Management, an area that our company desperately needs filled. I politely requested a raise.

Well, over a month passed and neither my boss nor the CEO contacted me regarding my request. Not a call, a note, and e-mail. Nothing. Crickets chirping --- resounding silence. I questioned my boss about the rather rude lack of response, he answered sarcastically and offered to mention it again to the CEO. Okey dokey. Why don't you do that? Several months later, still nothing. So, I again ask, my boss if he has heard anything. Again, he says no. So, I politely said "Oh, okay fine." and hung up. I was seething. And so, the search has begun in earnest. It is time for me to leave. I'd love to stay and take that early retirement in six years or so and tell them where they can stick that raise, but I doubt I could survive another six years with this complacent attitude. It has physically made me ill this time. I'm done with being polite. I politely assured my boss also, that when I find a new job and give my resignation, that will not be the time to make me an offer. I will refuse. Additionally, I reminded him that in every job that I have held within the company, they have had to hire three people to do all the work I as one person had done previously. This meant they would pay three salaries rather than compensate me for the same amount. Three salaries also meant three people collecting health insurance. These people must truly be either idiots or insane. It's a fine line and I wouldn't want to hedge a bet. It could go either way.

Wish me luck, 19 years experience is great, but I could really use that damned degree right about now. Oh well, in my next life I'll listen better to my parents.

From tears to giggles in 3.9 seconds

It never ceases to amaze me that my daughter can at any given moment be screeching hysterically in anger, pain, or sadness with big old tears coursing down her cheeks, and can revert to giggling instantly. How is this possible? I mean here she stands, tears still caught on her lashes, salty moisture still clinging to her cheeks due to a tangle with a nasty tangle that big old meanie Daddy found while brushing her hair before bed with a big grin shining because I wanted to take her pouty face picture. All you need to do is tickle or taunt or tease or smooch and her hysterics will melt into laughter. Its the strangest thing. Although come to think of it, when I was about 13 my great Uncle Tom passed away (I have two great Uncle Tom's and one is still very alive.) This uncle Tom was married to my aunt Laura and I adored him so his death was devastating and came suddenly. At the viewing I had spent the first part in the bathroom puking, once that ceased I milled close to my aunt and my dad pretending to be okay for them. At one point, my two other cousins asked me to join them in the vestibule to get a drink of water. As we pressed the button on the cooler to fill our glasses, the water bubbles would rise in the glass bottle making a very loud burping noise. The sound was amplified simply by the deep recesses of quiet that engulfs a funeral home. The loud and sudden "GLURP" "GLURP" cracked me up. Here I was broken hearted, devastated with tear streaked cheeks and a churning stomach and suddenly I was giggling at the stupid water cooler. With each glass filled a new onslaught of giggles would take hold and its infectious nature soon had both of my cousins trying to hold back hysterical laughter as well. The three of us had to go outside and get a grip before returning to the viewing because we were laughing very inappropriately and loudly in the vestibule. So, perhaps this was my last vestige of childlike emotion as I had just hit my teenage years. Or maybe the truth is that laughter and tears are emotions that are intertwined and a moments change in our perception can actually change the feelings involved. Kids can have their perception changed much more easily than grown ups, so that could be why the sudden mood swings happen. Either that or my little girl is a freak. Nah. She's way too cute to be a freak.

So little time...

The days are rushing by and Hannah is growing like a weed and I can't help thinking that I need to find a way to jump off this treadmill and find some way to grab hold of her before I miss it all completely. See, I sorta missed it all completely the first time around and it sucks. I had no choice being a single mom from the time Gary was 18 months old left me in a financial bind. So I worked and worked and worked trying to make ends meet and they barely ever did despite all I lost.

Gary is grateful for all I did give him and loves me dearly. Even at 23 he is still affectionate and caring toward his old mom. He has no resentment in his body toward anyone and he knows all that I did was for our survival. He's a bright kid. He gets it, but still I feel bad. I missed a lot, he missed a lot. He wanted to do cub scouts but couldnt' since they were after school and I worked. He played soccer and little league and played with friends and we had great times, but still I feel like he got short changed. I wasn't the happy go lucky cookie baking mom on the t.v. Well, my mom wasn't exactly Mrs. Brady when it comes down to it.

Still, Hannah is much more sensitive and she wants to do Brownies, she wants to dance, and she wants to learn to play the piano. Personally, I'm think she has ADD like me wanting to do more than is humanly possible all the time, but still how is it possible when we work. And not working isn't really an option not if we'd like to continue living in our nice middle class neighbor hood, with good schools and absorbenent property taxes. Good old NJ bleeding the working class dry.

So what to do. I inquired about Daisies (the tiny Brownies) and they meet after school of course. So this means, I either volunteer to lead a Saturday troop or evening troop, or say no. I am conflicted. Even so, I wanted to be a leader. I was one when Gary was a baby for a year. I love the Girl Scout organization, but its a big responsibility and I don't want to let Hannah down either. So, for now I'm taking it under consideration. I may see if there is a way to do online Girl Scouts. Now there is an idea, like homeschooling. You are the leader for your kid and you can do all the things to help them earn badges, sell cookies the whole thing but without all the scheduling difficulties. Hmmmm. Maybe I can sell the idea of Cyber Scouts to the GSA.